Wednesday, February 26, 2014

...on change and the same and love

We have goofy children. We have adorable big blue eyed children that do very naughty things but then look so cute that in the long just doesn't matter. They may dump all of my laundry on the floor, but then when they crawl into the dryer and peek out at me it's hard to be angry. Cute is cute - I can't be mad at cute. Well...hardly ever. Sometimes ,maybe. Definitely sometimes I can be angry at cute. But not normally. 

We have sun lovers - barefoot babies that enjoy the taste of summer even though it's still a long way off. Watermelon bought in February is not as good as watermelon bought in July - but it still feels the same when you hold it - the red is still vibrant and it's lovely to look at and dream of water fights and long picnics in the mountains. Plus, when God gives you a 65 degree day in the middle of winter (when it's going to snow just the very next day) - you do something extreme ... 

... like eat watermelon on the porch swing in February. 

I'm a furniture changer. Call it my it OCD - call it what you will but I change our furniture, re hang pictures, paint over old paintings and move rugs around from room to least, well...once a month? I love change and nothing else is changing - so my walls will look different. On that note, when we get ready to move from this rental I'm going to have to become the queen of patchwork (as in putty and paint.) I like my arrangements. 

I have never bought potpourri, and then I saw this lovely little box of green and seashells and wooden bits of something all mixed up (on clearance too) and I instantly became a potpourri lover. It's my vase of "welcoming the spring" and I love it. I like change - even in small quantities.  

I'm a thrift store shopper - I love my studded leather 20 dollar bench. Someday it will be in a mud room with hooks and nooks and rubber boots all around and it will feel very welcome. I bet you didn't know furniture has feelings did you? It does. 

My son is a map lover. He is a language learner and an app translator user and he is awesome. He also rips things - I took away his map and put it in my laundry room. He can still look at it and I can now not be angry as his cute clumsiness. I can't stand rips ... except if they are in a pair of jeans. If rips are in a pair of jeans I just about swoon they make me so happy. 

We bought chocolate chips for the first time in several months and I feel instantly wealthy. Need a snack kids? How about a few chocolate chips with those raisins? Should we bake some cookies? Yes?! What kind? Chocolate chip? Yes please. Oatmeal raisin? Okay ... but let's throw in some chocolate goodness too. Who knew happiness could be so cheap, yet so expensive? When the morsels are all used up I probably won't buy another bag. They are no good for us. 

My mother in law had a neck surgery ... and turned 65 (in that order.) We are going to say that the surgery wasn't because of old age because she wasn't officially retirement age when she went under. I'm glad she's 65 though because it's a change - and well, it's kind of a homey age.
 I found a watercolor tutorial that I wanted to try for her birthday gift. The only problem was that I didn't have any watercolors and had never painted with them before (except to help my kids fill in shapes and stuff.) So instead of coming up with a different plan I did the only sensible thing - I went to Hobby Lobby with my 40% off coupon, bought some watercolors, came home and followed the tutorial - had it framed and viola! We will call it art. 

That my friends is all I have to tell you. This was a rather disjointed post which completely represents my life - one day blue with depression where I think I could just chop all my hair off and sleep all day, the next day I'm so happy and full of joy and loveliness  I could cry (in a good smiley type of way).
 One day we are crafting, the next bored out of our skulls - one day snowed in and one day on a hike in short sleeves. One day we are eating smoothies and all things raw, three days later we order a pizza and call it dinner. One day my boys are spinning and spitting and screaming, the next they are cuddly and pleasant and full of bright thoughts and I feel blessed (i don't always feel blessed when they are screaming - that isn't cute at all.) 
One day I think I will never pursue art again, and then a few days later I have finished three paintings and made doll clothes for my daughter. One day I feel so deeply connected to my husband I could dance (barefoot of course) in a field of flowers and smoke something (yes, I said it...I could ) and sing love songs and fly with the birds - the very next day I may feel like setting his hair on fire (just a piece or two, not his whole gorgeous head.) This life is so full of change and learning and growing and hormones and stress and joy and life and death and flowers and poop. It's just full of a lot of everything. 
The one thing that doesn't change for me is what a friend I have in Jesus. All that life has brought Zac and I over the last few years has been challenging and it has really been easy to see the "bad." In my own life I am seeing how it has changed me - and the bad has helped me to be better because I finally have come to the place in my life where I know that I can't depend on anything or anyone except for my Friend. The bad was/is actually very good.
I have had a lot of discussions lately with people who don't believe in Christ and who keep making the statement to me "I can be good without God - why would you need Him to be different?" I say simply " I try to follow Him the best I can. I can be good...but I'm not GOOD. No one is. We can do good things but we aren't all good."
 Chocolate cake is good, mud isn't. You can cover the mud up with chocolate and it might look good, you may could use it FOR good (face mask anyone?) but it isn't actually totally good alone. I don't want to be alone anyways. I would rather follow someone who is completely Good and perfect in every way and learn from Him and be forgiven when I mess up.  
As a mom it's a huge comfort that He is with me when I'm lonely. He is with me when I'm in the kitchen making the 20th quesadilla of the day or slicing apples or sweeping the dirty floor for the 5th time. He is proud of me for taking care of my body and exercising , He delights in my creativity and is glad that I like to change around furniture or make my own toothpaste or whatever! He likes me a lot.  He is full of grace when I hurt my kids with unkind words and He prods me to say "I'm sorry" and then allows me to forgive myself for messing up - so I can start over and do it all over again and try to do better. This time, staying at home with my littles and my days always being different and at the same time EXACTLY the same (people depending on me for everything) He is there and He knows and He guides and He forgives and He loves. I wish every mom could know this kind of love. 

 Tomorrow we will eat more chocolate chips and try to be kind and play hard and work well - and continue being human and continue needing Him.


  1. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And you are wonderfully made. Abide in Jesus! Yes, that is the secret to all. Abide in Jesus! I love you too!!

  2. Just came poking around to see if there have been any updates. Hope you guys are doing well! And write soon ;)

  3. Just wanted to say I've been following you for a while and love your posts! They are so inspiring and encouraging!
    I have 5 little ones and homeschool like you. It's Refreshing to read your posts when I feel like I'm "in the thick of it!". Hope you write again soon!
    Catherine in Kansas