Home Educating - Why I've Chosen This Path

The thing is, I never thought I would be a homeschool mom. 

I knew I wanted to be a mother,

but I knew I could never be a "teacher."

I never wanted for my kids to see me as mother one moment and then teacher the next. 

One moment I'm making breakfast, the next I'm commanding children to sit at a table with a sharpened pencil and to to be quiet. Lesson plans mixed with recipes and chores and bedtimes.

No thanks.

Also the idea that little old me would even pretend to be smart enough to teach...seemed almost prideful. I don't think I put that idea in my head...but I heard it from multiple places. 

 Really though, I think I just didn't understand it. 

Until I was made to. 

My child needed me and deep down inside, in those dark places of the heart... I knew that only I could give him the security that he needed.

 What about an education though? Could I give him that? 

I did a lot research, weighing options...talking to homeschoolers that had had a positive experience.

I looked at the options,

in the end his security and comfort is what won. 

It was challenging in the beginning (often still is) but it's the best thing that has ever happend to me -

this "interrupting of plans." 

Isn't it always that way? 

There is an expectation, a force and a want where we feel we HAVE to do it this way, this one way.

 Then life happens and we make the choice to either stay on a comfotable path (sometimes uncomfortable) or try a different one. 

I was open - and the unbeaten path looked those most adventurous.

This post is not to say that homeschooling in ANY way is superior -

it's just to tell you of how it has effected my life for the positive. 

It's a written account, to testify, that one way really isn't best for all. 

The only way that's best for all is Love, 

anything outside of that realm is part of the great living experience and experiment. 

Choices, convictions, growing - it's all part of the very big plan of joy.

"Growth itself contains the germ of happiness."

- Robert Louis Stevenson

The first thing I did was investigate all the different methods in homeschooling.  Choosing the "elusive one" for our family has been rather tricky...

because I've found that I am drawn to parts of many types of educating - and as in every other area of my life....I've chosen a big mash up. 

Here is a portion of my  "I do not" list :

1. I do not like to be rigid...I don't follow a certain curriculum even though I have ones to help keep me on "target" (meaning the government's and their set of tests.)

2. I like a free flowing day with a little bit of structure - I like to have goals but not become a goal.

3. I do not practice home tardies and detentions and punishments in our learning space. 

4. I do not give out quizzes and tests even though my kids do take the CAT every other year (state requirement.) I would like to add here, not as a boasting but as general info, that Trinity scored in the 90th percentile in almost every subject on her test...and it was the first time she's ever been tested. 

5. My general philosophy is to teach my littles about their world through nurturing curiosity.

6. I do not use writing or reading or exercise to discipline my kids. I would like for those things to be a source of joy in their life so don't want to tie anything negative to them.

Sometimes, when I do get caught up in my own agenda I have to remind myself that this...is a home...is my little's only opportunity to have "home." 

Our home is not a school.

 If I want them to have a school education, then I would send them there.

 We've chosen differently...so hot tea and barefeet and free speech (if it's kind) is greatly enforced. :) 

Day's off for hormonal distress is also greatly encouraged - no one needs a basket case to be shoving diagramming down their throat.

Also, I am not the author of information and the last word on any subject...whether it be faith,nutrition, history, science, math, or English. I do not know best - so I encourage our kids to think for themselves. I guide them, show them options, but in the end give them the freedom to choose. I encourage them to be kind, to respect all people and creatures, and to find stability and security in Love and how He made them. 

In a very small nutshell ... that's my "philosophy" if you want to call it that.

Hopefully overtime, we will have clues as to where their natural "bents" are and we will do everything we can to support our kids accomplishing those goals - whether they want to study computer coding or be a great "store organizer " as Trini calls it.

“Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion has no hold on the mind. Therefore do not use compulsion, but let early education be a sort of amusement; you will then be better able to discover the child's natural bent.” 
― Plato

 My desire is for my kids to be able to take care of themselves...in any way that brings them joy.

 I'm raising hard workers, truth tellers, and people lovers. 

I'm raising givers, creative souls, God worshipers. 

If I'm permitted to have a "want" of someone else,

that's what I want. 

"Happiness is in your ability to love others."

- Leo Tolstoy

I love homeschooling because it has taught me to love learning. The world has been opened to me -

one I never knew existed.

Tristan's fortune cookie the other day read

"to teach is to learn twice."

I thought how true that was...and for me...to teach is to learn for the first time.

Today we finished workbooks, went on to investigating history...

ancient India.

  We became so involved in our learning that 3 hours later...

we were still talking about it. 

My littles were sitting on the couch, cups of Spearmint tea in their ever growing hands, 

and we connected and talked and shared...without limitations. 

My son that the world would say has "social issues" was completely connected to me and having a very social experience - an intimate one, a vulnerable one. His eyes were open and his mind was wandering and I saw the value in both - searching eyes, an energy filled body, and a questioning mind.

“The function of a child is to live his/her own life, not the life that his/her anxious parents think he/she should live, nor a life according to the purpose of the educators who thinks they knows best” 
― A.S. Neill

The kids did their math, and I could help them.

 While they practiced long division I went to work on all my little stuffed animal patients (many had suffered lacerations of the neck, ear and belly...) 

I sat in a chair and stitched, every now and them helping out with a word problem,

my kids nearby...working on math and feeling loved.

What a wonderful experience

... to see math, for the first time in my life, as not just logical but creative.

I'm thankful to have the opportunity to live simply, but to be able to keep my children close (not sheltered) and pour all of me into all of them. It's rewarding to see children that are 9 and 11 being able to bake applesauce muffins completely alone, find solutions, being  friendly and kind without the stress of peer pressure. 

“What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all.” 
― John Holt

What I've learned through this journey is that to homeschool...

I don't have to be a teacher. I'm not a teacher.

I'm a mom helping them discover the world.

I'm a mom that is encouraging them to love learning.

I'm a mom that will teach them to take a test ONLY because that is a skill they may need one day,

 not because a score defines them. 

“We can get too easily bogged down in the academic part of homeschooling, a relatively minor part of the whole, which is to raise competent, caring, literate, happy people.” 
― Diane Flynn Keith

"True happiness involves the pursuit of worthy goals.

Without dreams, without risk, only a trivial semblence of living

can be achieved."

- Dan Buettner

I have time to read more then a bedtime story to my kids.

I have time to craft with them, chore with them, walk with them... and have three hour long conversations with them whenever I want...because they are here with me. 

In this world of children, and especially in this world of children on the spectrum, I have enjoyed finding ways to keep them "out of the box." 

Educating at home is just one way I do this in my life - but it's been an effective way. 

“To confuse compulsory schooling with equal educational opportunity is like confusing organized religion with spirituality. One does not necessarily lead to the other. Schooling confuses teaching with learning, grade advancement with education, a diploma with competence, and fluency with the ability to say something new.” 
― Wendy Priesnitz

Unfortunately, I have been the brunt of a lot of passive aggressive comments.

I've been told things like :

"yah, well I wanted to do more with my life then just bake cookies."

I've been told by kids that their parents TOLD them that they should count themselves fortunate that they don't keep their children home all day sitting at a table doing workbooks. 

I've also been told them someday, hopefully I will think of what my children need and not my own wants. Yes. That one bit a little.

I've been told a lot. 

I wish I could say that I have a granite constitution and opinions just bounce off my soul. 

That would be a massive lie though - those words have made me question my own value and also my choices for my kids.They have made me feel unqualified at times to follow my heart.

A precious friend reminded me, during one of those days I was letting other opinions effect my happiness "But Alyssa...they are just deflecting on you - they are taking their own feelings about themselves and placing them on you."

What a sweet friend to wrap up reality for me, and hand back my sanity with a bow on top.

The nay saying was an excellent opportunity for me to learn to value other people's choices and also to be confident in my journey. 

At some point in time, I'm sure I will be able to look back at those experiences with gratitude.

“Homeschooling and public schooling are as opposite as two sides of a coin. In a homeschooling environment, the teacher need not be certified, but the child MUST learn. In a public school environment, the teacher MUST be certified, but the child need NOT learn.” 
― Gene Royer

I look around me, and see my daughter baking muffins and learning to double fractions in the recipe.

I see my sons chasing each other with underwear on their heads and capes around their necks and I see that they are CLEARLY not bored. 

I watch my oldest investigating and laughing and being shocked by what he is learning - and I know those facts will stay in his mind because he learned them through fun. 

I watch my daughter journaling and drawing pictures of her Paradise,

using apostrophes and colorful adjectives and learning what "anthropology" means. 

I found my little boy...the one doctors told me the world would underestimate because of his speech...sitting and drawing for hours and then cutting out his figures...with his little fingers that supposedly needed Occupational Therapy...and I know this choice to stay with them is more then baking cookies. 

They ask "wouldn't you like to do something for you...something fulfilling?"

In my soul, loving other people in practical ways is very fulfilling.

Learning is very fulfilling.

Watching kids run around with underwear hats and deep belly laughs is extremely fulfilling.

Being a witness to joy is the most authentic form of fulfillment I think one could every find.

Seeing kids write stories for fun is fulfilling.

Someday, maybe I will do something else...not something "more."

I try to live here and now...not in my future, and that is very fulfilling.

Constantly striving for the future instead of living today is missing out on life. 

Today, I am a mom that shows her kids that learning is an adventure, and is a life long process. 

 ~thanks for reading~

and just for kicks, because I DO love a good quote :

“There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

“Real education must ultimately be limited to men who insist on knowing. The rest is mere sheep herding.” 
― Ezra Pound

“The home is the first and most effective place to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self control, the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home.” 
― David O. McKay

“We want our children to become who they are--- and a developed person is, above all, free. But freedom as we define it doesn't mean doing what you want. Freedom means the ability to make choices that are good for you. It is the power to choose to become what you are capable of becoming, to develop your unique potential by making choices that turn possibility into reality. It is the ability to make choices that actualize you. As often as not, maybe more often than not, this kind of freedom means doing what you do not want, doing what is uncomfortable or tiring or boring or annoying.” 
― Gregory J. Millman, Homeschooling: A Family's Journey

Autism Awareness Month - Three Letters

“Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg.” 
― Paul Collins

 My Dear Brady,
  I will love you always for exactly who it is that you are. I will not push you away when I don't understand you. I will not use sarcasm when speaking to you since you don't understand it. I will explain well known expressions to you - I will make sure that there is never a loud fan in our house, that the bathroom is moth free. I will not make fun of you because you are scared of butterflies, I will not chastise you because you have to learn and memorize empathy. When you say "move out of my way" I will know that you are not intentionally being rude, just blunt. I will try to help you learn the polite way to say things so that you might have long lasting relationships in your life. I will never try to force you to be who I want you to be.
 You are brave. You are smart. You are good. You are my precious first born son. I love my little Aspie and I will always be here for a hug, a meltdown session, a cup of tea, or a long conversation about China. You can stay with us for however long you need - and if I have to carpool you around until I'm 85... it's my pleasure. Being scared of traffic really should be the "norm" anyways.
Love you,
Your mom

My dear Koala Bear,
 I'm so grateful for your gift of affection. You are always there to comfort others and you have SO much empathy and are so sharing you will probably be the kindest and poorest man on earth. God smiles down on you because this is a trait of His that you are blessed to have naturally - without trying.
 You are learning and growing and this year you have begun to play more sports and we have discovered that you are very athletic. You are learning to read and doing an awesome job at it.
 Tristan, I commit myself to you for the rest of time. I will listen to you even if it takes me a bit to understand, and when you need me to be your voice - I will be. You are not to "touchy feely" for me, I welcome your hugs and your kisses and your tickling fingers. You have a hard time speaking so it's natural that you would want to bond and communicate through touch. Everyone in the world could probably use a hug - I wish they could just spend on day with you and their love buckets would be full if only they would put their guard down. You are strong and funny and handsome. I will always be your help for as long as you need and your biggest fan - autism is just way of being, not a life sentence. You have so much to give and such a full life ahead of you. You are my love.
Love,
Mom

My Little Bug,
 You are a sign of patience that has grown in me. Sometimes I look at you and think "wow, are family has come a long way. We have grown tremendously." You are becoming a little boy this spring, but you have so many hurdles to jump right now. I'm sorry that you are scared of the bugs outside, of the sawing noise that is coming from down the street. I'm sorry that sometimes I clap when I exercise and it scares you, and that after an outing we have to turn our car in the wrong direction (towards home!)  I'm sorry that sometimes "normal" is painful. You are learning to deal with things around you by playing games in your head - and baby, if you need mommy to be a giant penguin or Katarina the Cat then that is what I will be any day, any time.
 We don't quite know yet what your interests will be but we know how INTERESTING and INFECTIOUS you are if given a chance. A lot of people don't understand you right now, but that's not your problem - people have a hard time understanding puzzles and they over compensate by either ignoring and thinking the worst. Lucky you, I don't mind puzzles and I will work extra hard to put pieces in place that will alleviate some of your anxiety.
 I will protect you from pain, and when I can't - I will always have open arms for my Super Finn. When it's time for you to try new things I will try to step back and let you do it because I know you can. If you need me to hold you until you are 7 I will try my best (even though I may need to step up my workout routine because you are going to be a very big boy.) I love you my Finn and autism or not - you are exactly the son I always wanted.
Love,
Mom


“Think of it: a disability is usually defined in terms of what is missing. … But autism … is as much about what is abundant as what is missing, an over-expression of the very traits that make our species unique.” 
― Paul Collins, Not Even Wrong: Adventures in Autism

My Hurt and My Joy

 It's a peaceful morning. Finn climbed into bed with me, snuggled up under the covers and told me the same thing he tells me every morning ... that he's hungry and ready to watch "cow" (his favorite little video about farms.) I get up, searching in the dark for my slippers ...it's cold now in the mornings. I get him settled on the couch, a warm quilt wrapped around his little diaper clad body... pour myself a cup of coffee, read some Scriptures to start my day. I light a candle and put on some soft music and begin cleaning the kitchen, hoping to accomplish a couple of things before my other three littles get up.
 I check my e mail  and see a message a friend has sent me ...wondering if I would be interested in this "new" study they are doing on autism...I read about this astounding "link" they are finding between mutated genes from some couple and if they have children with high functioning autism. This is nothing new, nothing I haven't read before ... but it makes me feel sad. Instant tears run down my face ... my peaceful morning colliding with my not so peaceful reality.

We have three sons. All of our boys are beautiful inside and out. All of our boys are bright and growing and blooming into wonderful people. All of our sons have high functioning autism.

 I'm not sad that they are mine. I do not feel that they "lack" in any way. I love all of my boys more then words or songs or poems or anything could ever say. 

 But...when I read studies that want to "link" their condition to one cause, or I talk to doctors who callously tell me that environmental issues aren't to blame for this neurological condition, or that they are this way because of "genes" I feel guarded, I feel sad, I feel defensive...sometimes I feel angry....sometimes I feel smart and proud that I have more information than some "professionals." I guess, what it comes down to is that I see the heart of my children, I see the beauty and the creativity and the specialness that is them - I see more than mutated genes and I'm willing to go further then to just say "me and my  husband obviously have genes that aren't compatible and we make babies with issues." 

 I love the quirkiness of my little guys, I love their individuality - but sometimes I grieve. Sometimes it is is early in the morning, in the quiet that I thank God for my blessings, but I also tell Him of my fears and my wants and my pain. Sometimes the hurt strikes unexpectedly when I look at other people's family photos, or when I sit in a restaurant and watch a child sitting at a nearby table, enjoying his meal, connecting with his parents in an obvious sort of way. Sometimes I hurt when I'm on a playdate and I see that my kids aren't like the other kids...sometimes it hurts when I'm in the middle of some long repetitive motion or communication that I have with one of my boys EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail. Sometimes it hurts unexpectedly...when I check an e mail, or watch a new documentary on our food, our air, the pharmaceutical industry. It hurts when I see two people walking, holding hands...and I wonder if my boys will be able to experience that kind of love and connection with another person.  Sometimes, it's early in the morning with my lit pine scented candle and soft piano music and I feel peaceful...and I hurt peacefully. I know that my hurt doesn't change my love... change the status of my joy...it's just a moment of hurt.  

 I am a mother to three sons with autism - I rejoice in their differences, I grieve their differences...this is what is real and what is OKAY. Above all, I love ... I celebrate...and I give thanks for three blessings who are more than mutated genes. 

Our News

“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.” 
― Isabel Allende

Yesterday Finn was officially diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Today I'm feeling rather overwhelmed knowing that Zac and I are the parents of three boys with autism. Three amazing boys , one equally as amazing daughter. When I say I'm "okay" what I mean is "I don't feel like running my car into a wall, I'm not crying for 3 hours a day, I don't stare blankly out my window." When I say "I'm okay" what I mean is "I can see light, I can see value, I can see hope." I feel creative, I look forward to summer - I have joy.  But, if you want to know... I am sad. 

We are completely committed to our Finnian Arrow. He has been such a light to our family and will continue to be - he has so many strengths and I thank God that my spectrum baby can speak, can run, does not have any really horrible allergies that I feel are uncontrollable. I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm thankful for his animated personality, I'm thankful that he is smart and that he knows what he likes and dislikes. I'm thankful that his laugh is infectious. I'm glad that he interacts with others (as best as he can.)  He is one special boy and a huge asset to our family. He fits in here - and I will do everything that I can do to help him succeed in life. My prayer for him is that he can live independently (as much as possible) when he is an adult, that he would know God as a friend and Savior, and that he would be a servant to others. That's it. Those are my wishes. Where he is on the spectrum, these things should be possible. Thank you for wondering and for being dear friends. 

~ Alyssa Spring

Tristan River

He's a mess.

He's one cool dude...he can save the world.

He's my third little ... he's a best friend....he's a knight in an elf's hat. 

He's a cuddle monkey, a quilt lover, a daddy's treasure. 

He's addicted to ice. He's a strawberry blond wonder. He's magical. 

He's a scientist, a discoverer. He's curious about the world around him.

He's learning to read and doing wonderfully. He sings beautifully even though he is challenged in speech. He is a miracle. 

He is crafty...he's in love with shapes and colors. Sound effects amaze him and he can reproduce most of them with his two little lips and his pink tongue. 

He's learning to use scissors and tries really hard even though fine motor skills are challenging. He doesn't quit. He is a hard worker. 

He is scared of loud noises...of unsmiling faces. He loves the words "I love you" and at night time says "a hug an a kiss fo twisty?" (a hug and a kiss for Tristy?) He is endearing. 

He is a big helper, he is brave...he's the apple of my eye. He is the essence of beauty. Tristan River is an angel and has captured my heart and everyone else's who is willing to spend a little extra time getting to know him. He is going to rock this world.

I love you

Bear with me.

My son is turning 8 in a couple of days. My beautiful blue eyed boy...with all of his freckles and curiosity and energy and love of Pokemon...he is going to be 8.

I rejoice that my baby has good health. I am happy that he is safe...that he is happy (I guess?) that he has a room of his own and legos. I'm happy that he gets his breakfast at 8 am ...if there were a nuclear attack Brady would make sure that he had his breakfast...amidst the fire and flames and terror...he would have his 8 o'clock breakfast. I'm also glad that he enjoys his 3 pm snack and his 6 pm dinner (as long as I am serving what he likes...if not he doesn't eat it and no one is worse for the wear.)

However, tonight I'm deeply sad.

"Goodnight Brady" I whispered...searching his face. He stared at the wall and raised his eyebrows "oh " he muttered and then made a noise, deep in his throat. "I love you" I said. He nodded and made the noise again, his eyes avoiding mine - I turned out the light and closed his door.

I want him to say "goodnight mom, I love you." I want that.

My boy is going to be 8 in a couple of days. To some people that is really young..to me it means i have about ten more years to help him learn to function in society...to greet people, to spread peanut butter on his bread, to say to someone who is sick "is there something I can get you?" instead of "your crying noises are annoying." I feel as if I'm working against the clock. I try to take one day at a time...but each day...I'm still greeted with a blank stare...a word or two about what kind of food we will be consuming, and the amazingness of Pokemon.

I love my child. I want to know that he loves me.

Perhaps I'm not sad - maybe I'm just impatient. I know he needs me...I know I make his world turn. I just want him to say it. Maybe someday he will meet a girl who will say "you know my love, your mom is really nice. Whenever we meet someone that is really nice and they help us a whole lot and love us, we tell them we love them. Maybe next time you see her you can say "uh, mom? I love you."

Maybe he will meet that girl and she will help him. Maybe he will learn it from a book? I don't care. I just want to hear it someday.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” 
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are