Friday, October 21, 2016

Just Gratitude's...

Thank You God for all good things

... for misty mornings
... for burnt sienna and raw umber and sage green
... thank you for a view

... thank you for a warm home
... warm clothes
... thank you for flannel. I dearly love flannel.

... thank you for thrifted beauty
... for the hidden talents in all Your people
... thank you for pictures of streams crashing over rocks, I can hear it.

... thank you for this little potato bin - that it was once not so very tasteful,
and after a good sanding...the treasure was hidden beneath 
... thank you Lord for wood grain
... thank you Lord for potatoes

... for root vegetables
... for starch
... for lots and lots of starch

... for one lone pepper, growing and turning and bright red
... thank you Lord for my little garden
... thank you thank you thank you

... for a hard working man
... for a handsome man
... for a firefighter man
... for a pallet wood collecting man
... also, thank you lord for my little man Brady Bunches of Love

... for pigtails
... and little aprons
... and miniature animals and their cute little clothes and cars and water bottles and rugs and houses and wagons and lamps and books...and all their cute little things 
(I can barely keep it together when it comes to dollhouse goodness)
... thank you that I can't keep it together

... for helping hands

... for the bread we eat
... for life from You

... thank you God for brave kids
... for new skills
... for them being able to do all things because of You that strengthens them
... once again, Lord, thank you for autism. It's a tricky road but it's navigable because of You,
walking alongside me, holding my hand and theirs.

... for new little pets (the quiet, low maintenance kind)

... thank you Lord that I still have one little set of chubby hands left in the house...

... for new projects
... for creating

... thank you for a free costume and a visit from Cleopatra herself 
(I'm honored)

... for "putting the wash out"

... thank you that I feel rich when I see stacks of firewood in the backyard
... thank you for the little things that add up to be really really big

... for Mario and Luigi and their never wavering presence in my life

... for bare-feet in October
... thank you for the sunny days

...for baby Moses
... that she knows that story
... that she wants to play it all by herself

... for banana friendship cake sans frosting ... just pecans and honey and cinnamon
... thank you for a recipe that takes me back to sweet times
... thank you for the sweet times today

... for bear claws as big as your head (the tasty kind)

 ... and of course trees. Thank you so much for trees.

... thank you for walks and leaf crunching 

Thank you for being with me always,
that I get to just be myself everyday of my life
basking in your gracious love 
Thank You that You are good 
thank you for freeing me from religion and giving me friendship
thank you for freeing me from sadness and filling me with joy

... also, thank you for avocados.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

We Came Away with Color

I  imagine the trees know each other.
I imagine this because, you see, if you ever take a walk in the woods...
there is evidence all around...
of them catching each other, leaning on each other, growing with each other.

That's what I love about trees. 

They are full of wonder and strength and color.
I love their out stretched arms, inspiring me, too, to reach up...
way way up
towards the sun and smile
just like them.

Today we were blessed with crisp fall air, 
a lovely mountain drive,
and a picnic lunch.

We were blessed with climbing,
and hugging, 
and hauling branches.

The chainsaw was buzzing,
 the leaves whispered,
oak and pine and aspen scents surrounded me...
we were blessed.
Hard work and trips up and down a mountain with arms full of winter warmth...
We were blessed.

"The human spirit needs places that have not been 
rearranged by the hand of man."

I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least - and it is commonly more than that - sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely 
free from all worldly engagements."
- Henry Thoreau

My little squirrel girl wanted to build a house then and there
in the great woods.
I did too.
Instead, I collected bark and rocks, and pictures -
to take in my pocket and remember
 that there are still quiet spaces,
even in my mind.

 (no aspens were harmed in the making of this life. I promise he's cutting the fallen dead one.)

Hawk feathers were found...

and spider friends discovered high in a tree. 
"look what we found mom!"

The littles really love insects.
That's what i love most about children -
their happiness in discovering,
 their eagerness to learn, 
their friendly little hearts when nurtured.

~Golden leaves rained on us~

"I only went out for a walk, and finally concluded to stay out until sundown,
for going out,
I found,
was really going in."
John Muir

We came away with quite a bit of fire wood for the soon to come winter,
peaceful souls,
fall kissed cheeks...

...and color.
We came away with color.

Monday, October 10, 2016

Out of the Box

A glass jar, fresh water, a few flowers ...
to me there is just about nothing better.

Jars full of life
jars full of gifts
jars full of succulents and roses ... given to me spontaneously
Love stored up in a vessel, a reminder to smile every morning when I wake
A living gift for a lover of life
To me, there is just about nothing better.

Warm scents...melted coconut oil and flour dusted hands
There's just about nothing better.

I look out frosted glass and see my garden - next year it will do better.
This year it gave me hope, it gave me pleasure,
it fulfilled a need in me 
to create, to build, to take root in something and to hold on tight and realize that it's mine
to work for something
to be loved by a man that will take his time and visualize my dream and make it happen
There is just about nothing better then the act of love.
I guess the garden produced what it needed to.
I guess it did just fine.

My ears are reminded by the timer that there are more biscuits ready to cool,
if there are six of us and we all need 27 biscuits apiece....
I'm sure we have plenty.

There is nothing better then creating a happy table.
It doesn't happen every night here...
sometimes once a week.
When it does happen though, I look around at my littles and their smiles
I listen to their affirming words of "mom makes the best food" and I know it's true to them,
and there is just about nothing better.
then being "the best cooker."

There is nothing better then love.
There is nothing better than claiming it for yourself.
There is nothing better then creating it and giving it.
There is nothing better then being you and saying "this is who I am. This is why I was created."

 Today...driving down the road my heart so full of praise
 I told Him :
"Thank you for exactly who I am. Thank you that I can define my own story. That story is not to be who others want me to be, but to be the person that I am...the one that You love."

Then,  I see myself running through tall grass, hair flowing, bright color encompassing my body.
The color is joy.
There is nothing better then giving yourself love,
knowing that He loves you more.

There is nothing better friends, then the peace of gratitude.
When life is complicated and there are no answers,
finding something to be thankful for...
Then, allowing that gratitude to grow until it has made a shining light in the middle of your heart... that welcomes Joy.
She comes and stays awhile.
There is nothing better then that love filled, joyful light.

I'm not in a box anymore.
I escaped what I like to call "Holy Crap."
It was a process...a growing, a letting go...a change of my own definition of myself.
I cut off rule following and instead searched for good character.
It took not being literal.
There has never been anything better in my life then releasing "Have To" 
"Have To" had to go. 
It was hard saying good bye...I've invited her back from time to time 
but she always brought along Fear and Guilt and Oppression

I filtered through evangelical muck to find the real Jesus.
He was there the whole time, but I didn't know Him.
He has an amazing character.
He has amazing love.
He is worth knowing.
He and "Want To" seem to be very close...

Because of Him,
I can love.
Because of Him, I can create.
A Supreme Being that forms mountains and fills oceans and lights up the sky with stars...
He also made me. 
He designed me with purpose. 
He designed you with purpose.

Maybe for me, right's to give Him thanks.

Maybe for me, today - it's so I can fill bellies with biscuits and help sort thoughts.
Maybe I'm here to smell the roses.
Maybe I'm here to over water the succulents...
Maybe I'm here to write to myself so I can realize the truth of my life.

I know I'm here to bring light to 8 bright blue eyes.

So I am.
I'm doing my very best.
I'm cooking, cleaning, teaching, singing, praising.
I'm dreaming, and becoming, and giving myself options.
I am defining who I am by saying "I am" and not "I should."
I'm here to tell my bright eyed babies that they get to choose who they are.
I'm here to open the lid of the suffocating box of people pleasing
and worry
and fear
and then bury the box.
Deep deep down in the earth, where judgment and expectations and stereotypes belong.

I'm here to hopefully introduce four littles to "want to"
- not by shaping their minds...but by shaping mine.
I'm here to quietly watch them make their decisions,
and not leave, 
no matter the circumstance.
I'm here to love them unconditionally.

There's just about nothing better then being free.
There's just about nothing better then following Light and making Him part of you.
There is nothing better then growing and changing and living 
There is nothing better then being a life lover

There is nothing better then creating beauty in yourself and around you 
there is nothing better then knowing that God lives in you
that He is in all good things...
and giving Him thanks...
and sharing.

Peace and love to you my friends.