We Came Away with Color

I  imagine the trees know each other.

I imagine this because, you see, if you ever take a walk in the woods...

there is evidence all around...

of them catching each other, leaning on each other, growing with each other.

That's what I love about trees. 

They are full of wonder and strength and color.

I love their out stretched arms, inspiring me, too, to reach up...

way way up

towards the sun and smile

just like them.

Today we were blessed with crisp fall air, 

a lovely mountain drive,

and a picnic lunch.

We were blessed with climbing,

and hugging, 

and hauling branches.

The chainsaw was buzzing,

 the leaves whispered,

oak and pine and aspen scents surrounded me...

we were blessed.

Hard work and trips up and down a mountain with arms full of winter warmth...

We were blessed.

"The human spirit needs places that have not been 

rearranged by the hand of man."

“I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least - and it is commonly more than that - sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely 

free from all worldly engagements."

- Henry Thoreau

My little squirrel girl wanted to build a house then and there

in the great woods.

I did too.

Instead, I collected bark and rocks, and pictures -

to take in my pocket and remember

 that there are still quiet spaces,

even in my mind.

 (no aspens were harmed in the making of this life. I promise he's cutting the fallen dead one.)

Hawk feathers were found...

and spider friends discovered high in a tree. 

"look what we found mom!"

The littles really love insects.

That's what i love most about children -

their happiness in discovering,

 their eagerness to learn, 

their friendly little hearts when nurtured.

~Golden leaves rained on us~

"I only went out for a walk, and finally concluded to stay out until sundown,

for going out,

I found,

was really going in."

John Muir

.

We came away with quite a bit of fire wood for the soon to come winter,

peaceful souls,

fall kissed cheeks...

...and color.

We came away with color.

Out of the Box

A glass jar, fresh water, a few flowers ...

to me there is just about nothing better.

Jars full of life

jars full of gifts

jars full of succulents and roses ... given to me spontaneously

Love stored up in a vessel, a reminder to smile every morning when I wake

A living gift for a lover of life

To me, there is just about nothing better.

Warm scents...melted coconut oil and flour dusted hands

inviting

cozy

There's just about nothing better.

I look out frosted glass and see my garden - next year it will do better.

This year it gave me hope, it gave me pleasure,

it fulfilled a need in me 

to create, to build, to take root in something and to hold on tight and realize that it's mine

to work for something

to be loved by a man that will take his time and visualize my dream and make it happen

There is just about nothing better then the act of love.

I guess the garden produced what it needed to.

I guess it did just fine.

My ears are reminded by the timer that there are more biscuits ready to cool,

if there are six of us and we all need 27 biscuits apiece....

I'm sure we have plenty.

There is nothing better then creating a happy table.

It doesn't happen every night here...

sometimes once a week.

When it does happen though, I look around at my littles and their smiles

I listen to their affirming words of "mom makes the best food" and I know it's true to them,

and there is just about nothing better.

then being "the best cooker."

There is nothing better then love.

There is nothing better than claiming it for yourself.

There is nothing better then creating it and giving it.

There is nothing better then being you and saying "this is who I am. This is why I was created."

 Today...driving down the road my heart so full of praise

 I told Him :

"Thank you for exactly who I am. Thank you that I can define my own story. That story is not to be who others want me to be, but to be the person that I am...the one that You love."

Then,  I see myself running through tall grass, hair flowing, bright color encompassing my body.

The color is joy.

There is nothing better then giving yourself love,

knowing that He loves you more.

There is nothing better friends, then the peace of gratitude.

When life is complicated and there are no answers,

finding something to be thankful for...

anything.

Then, allowing that gratitude to grow until it has made a shining light in the middle of your heart... that welcomes Joy.

She comes and stays awhile.

There is nothing better then that love filled, joyful light.

I'm not in a box anymore.

I escaped what I like to call "Holy Crap."

It was a process...a growing, a letting go...a change of my own definition of myself.

I cut off rule following and instead searched for good character.

It took not being literal.

There has never been anything better in my life then releasing "Have To" 

"Have To" had to go. 

It was hard saying good bye...I've invited her back from time to time 

but she always brought along Fear and Guilt and Oppression

I filtered through evangelical muck to find the real Jesus.

He was there the whole time, but I didn't know Him.

He has an amazing character.

He has amazing love.

He is worth knowing.

He and "Want To" seem to be very close...

Because of Him,

I can love.

Because of Him, I can create.

A Supreme Being that forms mountains and fills oceans and lights up the sky with stars...

He also made me. 

He designed me with purpose. 

He designed you with purpose.

Maybe for me, right now...it's to give Him thanks.

Maybe for me, today - it's so I can fill bellies with biscuits and help sort thoughts.

Maybe I'm here to smell the roses.

Maybe I'm here to over water the succulents...

Maybe I'm here to write to myself so I can realize the truth of my life.

I know I'm here to bring light to 8 bright blue eyes.

So I am.

I'm doing my very best.

I'm cooking, cleaning, teaching, singing, praising.

I'm dreaming, and becoming, and giving myself options.

I am defining who I am by saying "I am" and not "I should."

I'm here to tell my bright eyed babies that they get to choose who they are.

I'm here to open the lid of the suffocating box of people pleasing

and worry

and fear

and then bury the box.

Deep deep down in the earth, where judgment and expectations and stereotypes belong.

I'm here to hopefully introduce four littles to "want to"

- not by shaping their minds...but by shaping mine.

I'm here to quietly watch them make their decisions,

and not leave, 

no matter the circumstance.

I'm here to love them unconditionally.

There's just about nothing better then being free.

There's just about nothing better then following Light and making Him part of you.

There is nothing better then growing and changing and living 

There is nothing better then being a life lover

There is nothing better then creating beauty in yourself and around you 

there is nothing better then knowing that God lives in you

that He is in all good things...

and giving Him thanks...

and sharing.

Peace and love to you my friends.

Circling Around

I love when days become grasshopper catching days (and grasshopper- letting -go days.)

 I love crafting days and muffin days and finding my kids hugging a tree days.

I love clean linen days.

Those aren't the only kinds of days I have though.

There are mostly up and down days.

Very high ups in my world of parenting children with special needs

and then crashing down so far I shake.

I come to though - this thought every time...after my mind has circled around and around and I start at the worst and find my way back to the Light...

I will love them. I will try again. I will do my very best to meet them where they are.

I will try to see this world through their eyes.

I will not self loathe or find myself inadequate.

Then the low turns back into a high and we start again, minute by minute, taking one day at a time.

Then, I eventually breathe again.

There, I get on with my life that I've been given.

I take the lessons I'm learning in parenting to every other place that I know...

in friendships, in trials, in decisions....

I be me, exactly me, with determination but hopefully with grace. 

Blessings dear friends,

may you find self love and love for others today. May you attack life or gently flow through it (whatever needs to happen) with determination and grace.

Oh...and a little bit of piano for you, one of my favorite pieces. 

It always helps my 

*circle of thoughts*

Heart Smiles

It's pretty much the best thing ever when you hear your children say from another room "oh my gosh, I love this song! It's 'Let's Get it On' by Marvin Gaye!" 

They makes my heart smile. 

There have been a lot of "heart smiles" for me lately.

I had a beautiful birthday last week, celebrating my 32 trips around the sun.

The day started with my favorite avocado toast and relaxing family time.

There were gifts, and flowers, and a vegan chocolate cake that I didn't make.

It was pretty perfect.

My sweet friend found this quote on pinterest that I had pinned awhile ago - one of my favorites and she wrote it out for me on a little wooden mason jar.

I love a personalized gift and this one inspires me to love the way I already do ... but better, and continually. No matter what life brings me - from tearful days to dancing days ... my

mission is to love others the way that the Father loves me. I think that's my only wish for this next year - to love in color. 

How about this cute little cup? You probably can't make it out but the words inside say "Hey Ewe."

It makes me smile every morning.

There was delicious black bean and veggie goodness.

I don't think I will ever tire of a burrito - I think they are pretty much the perfect food.

If love and goodness and color and flavor could all be packaged up,

it would be in the shape of a burrito.

I guarantee it.

I also can't leave out this gorgeous aspen leaf necklace. 

I don't know how I feel about people giving off "aura's" - but if we do, I think mine is green, with glints of gold that radiate out and branch off into twigs of white with dark smudges. I think my soul has the sound of leaves softly dancing on cool evenings like tonight. That's who I think I am. 

It makes me happy, and my sweet friend put happy tears in my eyes with such a thoughtful token of love. 

I also haven't been completely neglecting the left side of my brain - I did paint this little scene the other day. It's different then what I normally do but I like the way it fits into our home.

My favorite part of working on it was learning to blend and add texture. The paint had to go on  pretty thick since I was using an old painting someone had donated to the thrift store. 

Creativity does make my heart smile though.

Unless I'm uptight.

If I'm uptight a paintbrush better stay clear.

As for this evening, my little are having an impromptu monster party in the basement.

Sounds of them laughing and dancing to the Jackson 5 is floating up the stairs,

my ears buzz with gratitude for their simple complicated good hearts.

My job as their mama is simple tonight. Create yummy snacks,

listen to silly monster names 

laugh at their masked faces

and allow my heart to soak up this moment.

Have a blessed weekend my friends...

I wish you many moments of light and happiness. 

I wish for you many "heart smiles" and a very happy first day of October tomorrow.

Let's

Let's hold on to each other my little ones.

Let's adventure together,

Let's breathe in deeply

puffed out chests and noses upward drinking in the air

Let's go.

Let's look up,

way way up.

Let's find the sun, watch the racing clouds, dream climb 

Let's go.

Race ya.

My little loves,

let's feel what's around us.

Touch the bark of the trees, let sticky sap glue your fingers together,

let's sew with pine needles and braid the green strands together,

Let's feel the movements of the earth, of the air. 

Let's dance my little ones. 

Let's hold hands and trudge through hot sand and just dance

Let's dance with toes and legs and hips and spines and arms

Let's dance with smiles

Allow us to be thankful

Let's give thanks my little love, my squirrel, koala and bug.

We live in such an inspiring world

Let's give thanks by dancing, feeling, seeing 

My Beauties...

Let's give thanks.

Let's love each other, my babies

Let's be others focused and not self absorbed

Let's love big

Outstretched arms, giving hearts, generous with our praise 

Can we love?

Let's celebrate 

Let's celebrate rippling creeks winding their way out of a dark cold hidden caverns,

 twisting and turning and reaching light.

 Let's celebrate water, let's celebrate change. 

Let's push through the darkness.

Let's praise the Light.

Oh my love,

you are forever mine.

Let's be together forever.

Let's always explore the earth, together

You in your meticulous, quiet observant way

Me in my laughing twirling way.

Let's absorb eachother's energy

Let's not take it for granted

Let's be together forever, my love.

Let's be still my littles, my love, myself.

Let's just be still.

Let's see and feel and explore and dance and love and then...

 let's be still

“Feel your emotions,
Live true your passions,
Keep still your mind.” 
― Geoffrey M. Gluckman

Go outside. Don’t tell anyone and don’t bring your phone. Start walking and keep walking until you no longer know the road like the palm of your hand, because we walk the same roads day in and day out, to the bus and back home and we cease to see. We walk in our sleep and teach our muscles to work without thinking and I dare you to walk where you have not yet walked and I dare you to notice. Don’t try to get anything out of it, because you won’t. Don’t try to make use of it, because you can’t. And that’s the point. Just walk, see, sit down if you like. And be. Just be, whatever you are with whatever you have, and realise that that is enough to be happy. 
There’s a whole world out there, right outside your window. You’d be a fool to miss it.” 
― Charlotte Eriksson

Let's walk my littles

Let's appreciate art, textures...fabrics.

Can we stop the car? Oh please?

Let's stop the car, 

at unexpected places,

 and take pictures of other people's blessings.

Let's thank God for their blessings and make them our own.

I will forever have a red barn with a yard full of pumpkins framed in sunflowers.

Thank You.

Let's skip rocks bug, 

let's collect unnoticed treasure.

Let's delight in the ordinary that is extraordinary.

“I’ll tell you another secret, this one for your own good. You may think the past has something to tell you. You may think that you should listen, should strain to make out its whispers, should bend over backward, stoop down low to hear its voice breathed up from the ground, from the dead places. You may think there’s something in it for you, something to understand or make sense of.
But I know the truth: I know from the nights of Coldness. I know the past will drag you backward and down, have you snatching at whispers of wind and the gibberish of trees rubbing together, trying to decipher some code, trying to piece together what was broken. It’s hopeless. The past is nothing but a weight. It will build inside of you like a stone.
Take it from me: If you hear the past speaking to you, feel it tugging at your back and running its fingers up your spine, the best thing to do—the only thing— is run.” 
― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

Let's enjoy today

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle

 - Albert Einstein