Out of the Box

A glass jar, fresh water, a few flowers ...

to me there is just about nothing better.

Jars full of life

jars full of gifts

jars full of succulents and roses ... given to me spontaneously

Love stored up in a vessel, a reminder to smile every morning when I wake

A living gift for a lover of life

To me, there is just about nothing better.

Warm scents...melted coconut oil and flour dusted hands

inviting

cozy

There's just about nothing better.

I look out frosted glass and see my garden - next year it will do better.

This year it gave me hope, it gave me pleasure,

it fulfilled a need in me 

to create, to build, to take root in something and to hold on tight and realize that it's mine

to work for something

to be loved by a man that will take his time and visualize my dream and make it happen

There is just about nothing better then the act of love.

I guess the garden produced what it needed to.

I guess it did just fine.

My ears are reminded by the timer that there are more biscuits ready to cool,

if there are six of us and we all need 27 biscuits apiece....

I'm sure we have plenty.

There is nothing better then creating a happy table.

It doesn't happen every night here...

sometimes once a week.

When it does happen though, I look around at my littles and their smiles

I listen to their affirming words of "mom makes the best food" and I know it's true to them,

and there is just about nothing better.

then being "the best cooker."

There is nothing better then love.

There is nothing better than claiming it for yourself.

There is nothing better then creating it and giving it.

There is nothing better then being you and saying "this is who I am. This is why I was created."

 Today...driving down the road my heart so full of praise

 I told Him :

"Thank you for exactly who I am. Thank you that I can define my own story. That story is not to be who others want me to be, but to be the person that I am...the one that You love."

Then,  I see myself running through tall grass, hair flowing, bright color encompassing my body.

The color is joy.

There is nothing better then giving yourself love,

knowing that He loves you more.

There is nothing better friends, then the peace of gratitude.

When life is complicated and there are no answers,

finding something to be thankful for...

anything.

Then, allowing that gratitude to grow until it has made a shining light in the middle of your heart... that welcomes Joy.

She comes and stays awhile.

There is nothing better then that love filled, joyful light.

I'm not in a box anymore.

I escaped what I like to call "Holy Crap."

It was a process...a growing, a letting go...a change of my own definition of myself.

I cut off rule following and instead searched for good character.

It took not being literal.

There has never been anything better in my life then releasing "Have To" 

"Have To" had to go. 

It was hard saying good bye...I've invited her back from time to time 

but she always brought along Fear and Guilt and Oppression

I filtered through evangelical muck to find the real Jesus.

He was there the whole time, but I didn't know Him.

He has an amazing character.

He has amazing love.

He is worth knowing.

He and "Want To" seem to be very close...

Because of Him,

I can love.

Because of Him, I can create.

A Supreme Being that forms mountains and fills oceans and lights up the sky with stars...

He also made me. 

He designed me with purpose. 

He designed you with purpose.

Maybe for me, right now...it's to give Him thanks.

Maybe for me, today - it's so I can fill bellies with biscuits and help sort thoughts.

Maybe I'm here to smell the roses.

Maybe I'm here to over water the succulents...

Maybe I'm here to write to myself so I can realize the truth of my life.

I know I'm here to bring light to 8 bright blue eyes.

So I am.

I'm doing my very best.

I'm cooking, cleaning, teaching, singing, praising.

I'm dreaming, and becoming, and giving myself options.

I am defining who I am by saying "I am" and not "I should."

I'm here to tell my bright eyed babies that they get to choose who they are.

I'm here to open the lid of the suffocating box of people pleasing

and worry

and fear

and then bury the box.

Deep deep down in the earth, where judgment and expectations and stereotypes belong.

I'm here to hopefully introduce four littles to "want to"

- not by shaping their minds...but by shaping mine.

I'm here to quietly watch them make their decisions,

and not leave, 

no matter the circumstance.

I'm here to love them unconditionally.

There's just about nothing better then being free.

There's just about nothing better then following Light and making Him part of you.

There is nothing better then growing and changing and living 

There is nothing better then being a life lover

There is nothing better then creating beauty in yourself and around you 

there is nothing better then knowing that God lives in you

that He is in all good things...

and giving Him thanks...

and sharing.

Peace and love to you my friends.