“Tears before God water dreams.”
― Junaid e Mustafa
My dream came true. The dream and the hope and the longing and ALL of it, in a week's time, became reality. We bought a home. We have a place. We have a city that will be ours.
I'm not sure how many hours I had spent on the floor of our rental home asking God for my own place. I was born when my parents were in mission's training. I'm not really sure how many times I've moved in my childhood, but I know it was a lot. The better part of my life has been about saying hello to people, learning to love them...settling into a house...and then a year or two later, sometimes a month or two...sometimes just a week - packing up, saying good bye, putting on a brave face and starting over. I loved so many things about my childhood....the scenery, the friendships, the long road trips full of fun snacks, the radio blaring and the light poles flashing past my window. I use to try to see how many times I could blink between light poles - it's a wonder I didn't give myself some kind of crazy eye dysfunction. Yes, seeing new places was a highlight of my nomad beginning.
All that to say ... there was a time for travel and for newness. This is the time for roots.
I'm a creative - I longed to make somewhere mine. I wanted to paint the walls my colors, hang shelves without risking damaging a wall that didn't belong to me. I wanted to look out my window and know that if I planted something in my backyard it would be mine and could be mine for a long long time. My great grandmother has a tree in her front yard that she planted with my oldest brother when he was just a little toddler. She named it "Josh's Tree" and now, more then 30 years later, it's big and tall and shades the front yard. I wanted a Josh's Tree.
We use to visit this family in Indiana when I was growing up. There was so much to love about this older couple ... piano music, always a pan of rice crispy treats...they even took us to the fair one time. The thing though that stuck out to me the most though was their home. It was traditional...but to me it was luxury. Growing up in Mexico there was a lot of tile and cement. Most homes there didn't have bathtubs or pianos or grassy front yards. I remember this house because there was a staircase with garland wrapped around it for Christmas. Their was a set of french doors at the back of the house that opened up to a piano room and so much sunlight. I remember a hutch in the kitchen with pretty china and a long gleaming dining table. I loved it. I remember standing in their living room, looking around and thinking "this is what I want." Now, thinking back, it was a modest home. Middle class. But it was homey and different and they had lived in it for years ... and that's what I loved - the stability.
Saying goodbye to our neighborhood was hard. I had actually learned my cross streets, knew how long it took me to get to a grocery store, had a very close friend about a 7 minute drive away. I was familiar ... and packing up again to move AGAIN to discover the unfamiliar AGAIN was a little overwhelming....not to mention there are four littles in my life that I worry about on a hourly basis. I was scared for them to adjust. I was excited for them to have new opportunities - a park, a backyard with a pretty view, more space to run in play in this new house. It was a bit confusing to know what I should feel..or to be okay with feeling however I felt.
All in all, I knew that this move was the right thing at the right time. I asked God for a sign if we should go ahead and buy, and the day we made the offer on our house our landlord sent us a letter saying that they were needing to increase our rent $250.00 at the beginning of February. As my Papa John use to say "Here's your sign."
I thanked God and started packing like a crazy person.
I figured, if He is giving me what I've been wanting the least I can do is be brave and work hard.
It was a long process - this moving business is pretty rough. We have a lot to do but, honestly,...it's because we want to not because we have to. I've always wanted an open concept home so we are rather dustily creating it. I've always wanted to pick out paint colors...so we are painting the perfectly fine cream color walls. We took out a closet in order to put a bit of railing so that I could "wrap garland" at Christmas. I have a spot for that used piano I hope to find one day.
The cabinets in the kitchen...don't get me started. Let's just say it has taken an extreme amount of effort but when you're "home" and it's going to be yours for a long time...it's worth it. I even bought myself this house warming gift - that was another one of my dreams. There's nothing quite like a bit of leaded glass with blue sky shining through over the kitchen sink - makes washing dishes almost bearable.
The cabinets in the kitchen...don't get me started. Let's just say it has taken an extreme amount of effort but when you're "home" and it's going to be yours for a long time...it's worth it. I even bought myself this house warming gift - that was another one of my dreams. There's nothing quite like a bit of leaded glass with blue sky shining through over the kitchen sink - makes washing dishes almost bearable.
Finn ran down the stairs to me yesterday calling "mommmmmmm!!!!" He grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards his room saying "come see, come see." When we got to his room he points at the window and showed me a wee bitty lady bug enjoying some sunshine. It was pretty much a perfect moment for my little Bug to find his favorite bug in his new room. I told Zac "see, it was definitely meant to be." (then I sped off to find my camera before the moment was gone.)
Brady Bunch has been quite contented. He loves the carpet in his room. I'm a fan of hardwoods myself, but I have agreed to keeping the carpet in the bedrooms just because Brady finds them so cozy. For a little boy that needs to roll on the floor and is also constantly cold "I get it." I can give him that at least. I also gave him Star Wars decals all over his new green bedroom walls - I think he finds me rather awesome after spending the better part of an hour creating the perfect "scene" surrounding the Death Star.
I think his favorite part of our new place though is the fireplace. Every time Zac has built one Brady will pop in the room and say "oh, how cozy mommers (what he calls me these days) a good, warm fire." Then he will sit just about as close as one can sit to fire. I love that kid.
Tristan is loving the unfinished basement and all the space to play. Today at lunch he grabbed my camera and told me to cup my face in my hands so he could take a picture. He did a pretty good job and I would have to say I did a pretty good job mimicking the expression he wanted me to make.
Trin's room is blue and I'm trying my very best to make her little space as whimsical and girly as I can. Tomorrow an electrician is coming to install lights in our bedrooms (yes indeed, we have no lights in our rooms...I guess it was a popular notion in the 80's that I find ridiculous.) Zac is stopping by Ikea on his way home to pick up a sparkly chandelier for a very sparkly little girl. Squirrel Girl use to tell me that her dream room would have a chandelier and a window seat. Heaven help me, but I'm going to make that dream come true if it kills me - just call me ol' Fairy Godmother (or a loving mother, whichever you choose.)
I've spent the last two days organizing books by color (yes, you read that right) and painting a cabinet green. Oh green...I have dreamt of you and waited for you and now you're here, a part of my life. I can't wait to show all of the befores and afters to everyone...but for now I'm at the place where it all looks worse then the before and you wouldn't get the "after" so you'll have to be patient. My sweet husband has been great at trying to make all of my visions come to fruition. He is love.
I stood at this window a couple days ago, my hands wrapped around a warm mug of coffee ... just looking at all of my trees, wondering what I will get to discover under that patch of snow come spring. I had Pandora playing and my song from long ago, "Home" by David Nevue, came on.
This warm feeling came over my whole being and I felt so extremely loved by Heavenly Father. I can't really explain it to you - you would have to be in love with Him to get it. It was a feeling of being absolutely cared for in every kind of way. Absolutely loved in every type of way. Absolutely known in every type of way. It was a remarkable feeling.
I use to listen to that piano piece all of the time when Brady and Trin were little toddlers, Tristan and Finn were still just a dream. I remember sitting on our porch swing in Georgia, barefoot and snapping peas and loving my life so much. A lot has happened since then ... a lot of "journeying." There was a time that I felt I would never feel at peace again ...contented. I stood at the window, the song came on...and I didn't turn it off because this time, the song was true again. All I could do was stand there, sip my coffee with tears rolling down my face and thank God for all He's done for us. He kept hope alive in me, and He brought me Home.
A new journey has begun.
(if you care to listen....click here "Home") It's lovely.
